A Little Reflection

So I don't think I've mentioned this before, but my Mom passed Nov 2010. Since then I've struggled with living without her input and my spirituality. My mom had a huge relationship with Jesus and when she passed it made me question it. As much faith as she had why wasn't she healed? Many people say things like it was her time or she is better where she is which I know is true, but hard to accept. I feel that she spent so much her life struggling was she making mistakes? Why weren't things better for her. I've seen my life blessed. Things happen for no reason. I've always felt that was because of my Mom. It allowed me to help her, but couldn't she be blessed as well?

Well despite all those thoughts lately I have been thinking about going to church again. Since her passing I've only been a few times. People keep asking me if I've found a church since I moved. They asked if I've prayed and it annoyed me, but lately I've felt like I needed Jesus. Work is fine, I'm going back to school, but emotionally I'm a mess and my relationship isn't what I want it to be. There a few friends that I hang with from time to time and they tend to talk about meeting guys and how difficult it has been to find quality guys in Minneapolis. Number one I'm tired of talking about guys all the time. Number two it shouldn't be that hard to find guys. I've never believed that it was meant for women to do the searching. I believe if you are doing what you are suppose to be doing and keeping your life in proper order then God will guide you and your mate to meet. I know I've gotten off track. I don't know if my husband is in Minneapolis, but I don't want to do the looking. Because of my spiritual background I don't feel I have to.

That being said I felt these ladies may have better luck if they set their eyes on other things. Many people now days feel that meeting guys is church is pointless. That the guys who go there are the same guys in the club so you might as well go to the club to meet them. Even if that is true when you meet a guy in the club he's looking for one thing and a relationship ain't it. You meet a guy in the church you might actually find what you've been looking for. That's just my opinion. I've been thinking of going to church again. Not necessarily to find a husband, but to maybe meet people who are more like me. I feel that the people I am meeting just don't think like I do. I don't expect everyone to think and act the same, but usually you have a commonality. I don't have much in common with these ladies. They are nice, but I feel out of place. I'm different and they don't get me. Anyways I just needed to vent I guess. My relationship is what it is and I've prayed about it in hopes for a resolution or clarity.