Can You Feel My Pain?

Well can you? I know. I know. What am I talking about? I'm talking about my hair. I am so frustrated with it. I don't know what to do with it except keep cutting it. I don't know if I posted the picture of when I cut off my year natural hair growth.

Well a few months since then I have cut it some more, colored it, cut more, put a relaxer in it (I know ew), and now it's just looking a hot mess. I literally want to use the #1 guard on my clippers and have at it. I've seen some beautiful pictures of women with a bald head. I want that. I've had that if I may say so myself.

It was easy and breezy and I loved it. I never intended to keep it short. The plan was to let it grow long and curly. I let it grow, but it was always dry. No matter what I did the moisture didn't stay in my hair long. I grew frustrated and so I cut it. Now I miss my dry curls and the length I had attained. That is the first time I have admitted that I regret cutting my hair. At this point I want to shave it off again, start fresh with products that I know worked for me, and grow a healthy head of curls. My plan this time though I may wear a wig. I really don't have the patience to care for it right now and the grow out process. I'm not sure why it didn't bother me before, but I can't do it right now. So that is the plan. Let me know your experiences with frustrating hair moments. I'd love to know I'm not the only one.

I Tried It - DIY: Travel Jewelry Organizer

It's raining outside so I thought I'd try MzTrinaa's diy for a travel jewelry organizer. I am already at my travel destination and while packing I basically stuck my jewelry in my makeup brush bag. I know that wasn't the best idea so I went on YouTube and found her video. It's simple to do and very inexpensive. I did not have scrap fabric lying around so I went to the craft store and bought 2 pieces of felt for 29cents. The video is below and I will post pics of my results as well.

My Mind Won't Let Me Rest

I have been neglecting my YouTube watching lately so I decide tonight to catch up. I think I waited to late to do so. I think I started around 11pm and though I enjoyed the videos and they inspire me it is keeping my mind wired. I cannot go to sleep. Is this common? Does this happen to anyone else? I'm sure it does. I attempted to go to sleep for a second time around 2:30am, but I had a blog post idea and I knew if I didn't draft it or at least write the idea down it was not going to happen. My goal is to post more so I figured I better get up and do it. Now 30 minutes later I am still awake and cannot fall asleep. I rarely have nights like this. Well I just wanted to say that and try to fall asleep for a third time.

Share your stories of restless nights. I'd love to hear your thoughts. - Beth

BAGLUXE

I'm in love. With a bag. On YouTube I follow Muffinifmylovers2012. She is hosting a giveaway from BAGLUXE so check out the video so after watching the video I went to their website and I gotta say their bags look great. They have many varieties that I hadn't seen before or in a long time. Which is how I feel in love.

 

This bag right here. I must have it. It reminds me of a Fendi bag from a few years ago. I feel in love with that bag the moment I saw it, but I hadn't found it at a cheaper price. BAGLUXE is the perfect price. They are selling it for $49.95. That is just right for my pocketbook. I just wanted to share because I am picky when it comes to bags and I think I've finally found a good one. 

Disclaimer: I am not associated with BAGLUXE in anyway and was not paid or asked to support them. I just think they have cool bags.

Back Around

I had been frustrated with my hair lately. I have been natural for a little over a year. I love my curls and not having to put chemicals in it every 6 weeks, but my hair is so thick all it does is tangle. I've trimmed and it still tangles. I just had a enough so after much thought I did a 2nd big chop.

I love it! I feel like I have found me again. I am back to being me. When I cut my hair last year I felt free. I felt like I was finally on the right path. I've had long hair for most of my life. It has it perks I guess, but it's a lot of work that I'm not really in the mood to do right now. So I cut it off. I'm thinking of adding color next month. Maybe funk it up a bit. I'm working on me. I feel now is a time that I can use to take control of my life again and make it what I want it to be. This is my New Year.

A Little Reflection

So I don't think I've mentioned this before, but my Mom passed Nov 2010. Since then I've struggled with living without her input and my spirituality. My mom had a huge relationship with Jesus and when she passed it made me question it. As much faith as she had why wasn't she healed? Many people say things like it was her time or she is better where she is which I know is true, but hard to accept. I feel that she spent so much her life struggling was she making mistakes? Why weren't things better for her. I've seen my life blessed. Things happen for no reason. I've always felt that was because of my Mom. It allowed me to help her, but couldn't she be blessed as well?

Well despite all those thoughts lately I have been thinking about going to church again. Since her passing I've only been a few times. People keep asking me if I've found a church since I moved. They asked if I've prayed and it annoyed me, but lately I've felt like I needed Jesus. Work is fine, I'm going back to school, but emotionally I'm a mess and my relationship isn't what I want it to be. There a few friends that I hang with from time to time and they tend to talk about meeting guys and how difficult it has been to find quality guys in Minneapolis. Number one I'm tired of talking about guys all the time. Number two it shouldn't be that hard to find guys. I've never believed that it was meant for women to do the searching. I believe if you are doing what you are suppose to be doing and keeping your life in proper order then God will guide you and your mate to meet. I know I've gotten off track. I don't know if my husband is in Minneapolis, but I don't want to do the looking. Because of my spiritual background I don't feel I have to.

That being said I felt these ladies may have better luck if they set their eyes on other things. Many people now days feel that meeting guys is church is pointless. That the guys who go there are the same guys in the club so you might as well go to the club to meet them. Even if that is true when you meet a guy in the club he's looking for one thing and a relationship ain't it. You meet a guy in the church you might actually find what you've been looking for. That's just my opinion. I've been thinking of going to church again. Not necessarily to find a husband, but to maybe meet people who are more like me. I feel that the people I am meeting just don't think like I do. I don't expect everyone to think and act the same, but usually you have a commonality. I don't have much in common with these ladies. They are nice, but I feel out of place. I'm different and they don't get me. Anyways I just needed to vent I guess. My relationship is what it is and I've prayed about it in hopes for a resolution or clarity.

I got my Influenster Summer Beauty VoxBox 2012!

That title is a mouth full, but that's ok because I got a box full of goodies from Influenster to try out and share my thoughts with you. Here is a pic of the box and some of it's contents.

I haven't looked through everything in the box yet, but I will soon and will post my reviews of each product. Below is a list of what's inside. On the back the the Influenster card included details of each product.

Hawaiian Tropic Hydration Lotion Sunscreen SPF 30
Tampax and Always Radiant Collection
Quaker Soft Baked Bar in Banana Nut Bread
Sally Hansen Magnetic Nail Color
Sally Hansen nails and Cuticles Hand Creme
Clear Scalp & Hair Beauty Therapy

I will also post video reviews on my YouTube channel. I will post the link on the blog as soon as they are up. Until then enjoy your the 4th.

Disclaimer: I received these products complimentary for testing purposes from Influenster.

Love It or Leave It

While stalking the pages of Apartment Therapy as I loke to do from time to time I came across a post called Rose-Colored Rental Glasses (and When to Move On). It made me think about my current apartment. I've live here over a year and resigned my lease. For the last 6 months I went back and forth about moving to a new apartment or even buying a house. I'm not financially ready to buy a house, but thought was intrigueing. I love decorating shows and the thought of being able to decorate my own space. To paint, find antique pieces, a yard for my very own first dog to play in, a place for furture kids to play in. Just something nice small and simple just for me. So I decided to resign my lease because the thought of renting another place and still being unable to fully decorate like I wanted to wasn't going to make me happy. In the post on Apartment Therapy they refered to an article from 2006 written by Nora Ephron titled "Moving On". The article was wonderful and made me think about why I was really trying to hold on to my apartment. It has a wonderful view I think. There are of course better views in this city, but for the building I am in I love my view. That's my major love of this place. That and because I am not used to snow I have skyway access to my job in the winter. These reason alone if why I stayed. I also moved four times between 2010 and 2011. The thought of moving again stressed me out. I could not do it. Not yet, but despite that the article made me think. I might have to look past those few things and find the place I really want. I still haven't hung up any art pieces because I feel like whats the point. I still will not be happy here. I live in a 538 sq ft studio apartment and for what I pay I could have a house. So next year I will move on my terms to the place I dream of. My only other conflict is that a part of me wants this nice quiet house and another part wants a bigger place downtown. The only problem with buying downtown is condo fees. I've decided that for right now I'll let that dream go and get the quiet house outside of downtown. It's really not that great being downtown if you are not a person that goes out a lot. I'm not the party type so being here is just ok. To have the option is nice, but I'm ok without it. So I have 11 months to work on geting my dreamhome.

I dress like an old lady?!?

This is what my bf told me on Saturday. Let me explain. We got into an argument about something he did. He says if I had higher self-esteem I wouldn't have done what I did. Then he says you know why I don't go out with you...it's because you dress like an old woman. *slap on the face My jaw dropped. He says though I'm a big gurl I have a great body that would kill these skinny bitches, but I don't know it. Then he goes through my shoes and tell me which ones are acceptable. He does the same with some of my clothes. What he said hurt me deeply but I'm glad he was honest woth me. I want to look good and be hot, but the attention from men has always been difficult for me to receive. I've tried to explain that to him. I guess I've been hidding in big unattractive clothes to deter attention. It works 98% of the time. It worked too well because prior to last year I hadn't had a date in 7years. Now I am working on my self-esteem. I'm learning to care for myself and my body. What have you done to help build your self-esteem?

imPRESS Press-On Manicure

imPRESS Press-On Manicure

This product looks cool. I've seen it in the store, but haven't used it yet. I think I will try it out because I am no good at painting nails myself. I will try it and then post a review.