A Little Reflection

So I don't think I've mentioned this before, but my Mom passed Nov 2010. Since then I've struggled with living without her input and my spirituality. My mom had a huge relationship with Jesus and when she passed it made me question it. As much faith as she had why wasn't she healed? Many people say things like it was her time or she is better where she is which I know is true, but hard to accept. I feel that she spent so much her life struggling was she making mistakes? Why weren't things better for her. I've seen my life blessed. Things happen for no reason. I've always felt that was because of my Mom. It allowed me to help her, but couldn't she be blessed as well?

Well despite all those thoughts lately I have been thinking about going to church again. Since her passing I've only been a few times. People keep asking me if I've found a church since I moved. They asked if I've prayed and it annoyed me, but lately I've felt like I needed Jesus. Work is fine, I'm going back to school, but emotionally I'm a mess and my relationship isn't what I want it to be. There a few friends that I hang with from time to time and they tend to talk about meeting guys and how difficult it has been to find quality guys in Minneapolis. Number one I'm tired of talking about guys all the time. Number two it shouldn't be that hard to find guys. I've never believed that it was meant for women to do the searching. I believe if you are doing what you are suppose to be doing and keeping your life in proper order then God will guide you and your mate to meet. I know I've gotten off track. I don't know if my husband is in Minneapolis, but I don't want to do the looking. Because of my spiritual background I don't feel I have to.

That being said I felt these ladies may have better luck if they set their eyes on other things. Many people now days feel that meeting guys is church is pointless. That the guys who go there are the same guys in the club so you might as well go to the club to meet them. Even if that is true when you meet a guy in the club he's looking for one thing and a relationship ain't it. You meet a guy in the church you might actually find what you've been looking for. That's just my opinion. I've been thinking of going to church again. Not necessarily to find a husband, but to maybe meet people who are more like me. I feel that the people I am meeting just don't think like I do. I don't expect everyone to think and act the same, but usually you have a commonality. I don't have much in common with these ladies. They are nice, but I feel out of place. I'm different and they don't get me. Anyways I just needed to vent I guess. My relationship is what it is and I've prayed about it in hopes for a resolution or clarity.

I got my Influenster Summer Beauty VoxBox 2012!

That title is a mouth full, but that's ok because I got a box full of goodies from Influenster to try out and share my thoughts with you. Here is a pic of the box and some of it's contents.

I haven't looked through everything in the box yet, but I will soon and will post my reviews of each product. Below is a list of what's inside. On the back the the Influenster card included details of each product.

Hawaiian Tropic Hydration Lotion Sunscreen SPF 30
Tampax and Always Radiant Collection
Quaker Soft Baked Bar in Banana Nut Bread
Sally Hansen Magnetic Nail Color
Sally Hansen nails and Cuticles Hand Creme
Clear Scalp & Hair Beauty Therapy

I will also post video reviews on my YouTube channel. I will post the link on the blog as soon as they are up. Until then enjoy your the 4th.

Disclaimer: I received these products complimentary for testing purposes from Influenster.

Love It or Leave It

While stalking the pages of Apartment Therapy as I loke to do from time to time I came across a post called Rose-Colored Rental Glasses (and When to Move On). It made me think about my current apartment. I've live here over a year and resigned my lease. For the last 6 months I went back and forth about moving to a new apartment or even buying a house. I'm not financially ready to buy a house, but thought was intrigueing. I love decorating shows and the thought of being able to decorate my own space. To paint, find antique pieces, a yard for my very own first dog to play in, a place for furture kids to play in. Just something nice small and simple just for me. So I decided to resign my lease because the thought of renting another place and still being unable to fully decorate like I wanted to wasn't going to make me happy. In the post on Apartment Therapy they refered to an article from 2006 written by Nora Ephron titled "Moving On". The article was wonderful and made me think about why I was really trying to hold on to my apartment. It has a wonderful view I think. There are of course better views in this city, but for the building I am in I love my view. That's my major love of this place. That and because I am not used to snow I have skyway access to my job in the winter. These reason alone if why I stayed. I also moved four times between 2010 and 2011. The thought of moving again stressed me out. I could not do it. Not yet, but despite that the article made me think. I might have to look past those few things and find the place I really want. I still haven't hung up any art pieces because I feel like whats the point. I still will not be happy here. I live in a 538 sq ft studio apartment and for what I pay I could have a house. So next year I will move on my terms to the place I dream of. My only other conflict is that a part of me wants this nice quiet house and another part wants a bigger place downtown. The only problem with buying downtown is condo fees. I've decided that for right now I'll let that dream go and get the quiet house outside of downtown. It's really not that great being downtown if you are not a person that goes out a lot. I'm not the party type so being here is just ok. To have the option is nice, but I'm ok without it. So I have 11 months to work on geting my dreamhome.